Thursday, December 1, 2016

Monocular Vision

Living in a binocular world and I am a monocular guy. (sang to the tune of Madonna's: Material Girl)

I've been monocular since I was eighteen.There are scads of us. Perhaps even shit-loads.

We are a proud lot. 'Taint easy. But so is having no arms or legs. We have it in perspective. No boo-whoing here. We get up in the morning and do it.

Our stories are as broad spectered, although lacking depth perception, as a, well......prizm.

My own arrival into the world of monocular-ness is quite boring. I drove my car drunkenly into a telephone pole. If your story provides more depth (sorry) please share.

Don't hand us something and expect us to zoom in on it. And for fucks sake don't toss us something and expect us to catch it! Okay!?

We drive cars, eat, sleep and make love like everyone else. Just differently.

We laugh at ourselves. Change song lyrics. Don't it make my brown eye blue. Jeepers creepers, where'd 'ja get that peeper. I've only an eye for you. Smoke get's in your eye.

I almost feel sorry for binoculars. How very boring for you.

We meet new people everyday. We bump into others on our unsighted sides. I personally met a young lovely at a wedding years ago by knocking our noggin's together. A great ice breaker.

There are pitfalls. When two of us get together it is difficult as hell making eye contact. Jeez. Which eye to look in? Very confusing.

And we have many celebrities, world leaders, dignitaries and plumbers in our midst.

We get to wear eye patches and hunks of glass to drop in our buddy's Martini when he ain't lookin'.

So if you want to join an elite brother and sisterhood, poke an eye out with a screwdriver.

Chose the non-dominant one.



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